Off to Rio

It's been my dream since I started BJJ to travel to Rio. Wednesday I'll be leaving the snow and ice of Edmonton and heading south!

I was invited to give the keynote address at conference on violent youth being held at the Institute of Criminologie in Rio. I'll be speaking about the process through which young peoples lives become fully saturated by violence. Faculty members at the Institute have been fabulous. They have translated my paper into Portuguese and been unbelievably welcoming. I'm a little nervous about the whole thing, but I'm hopeful that the paper will be well received.

I'm also anxious about traveling to the home of BJJ. How will my skills measure up - if at all?

Despite the anxiousness I am super excited. I feel so very fortunate to have this experience and intend to make the most of the opportunity.

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to pass them along.

best,
Bryan

An Update...

I promised an update on my efforts to get martial arts generally and BJJ specifically recognized as a legitimate university field of study. For those new to this blog, I can tell you that this is an important goal of mine that I am pursuing in two interrelated ways:

First, this summer I approached Campus Rec about the possibility of having a BJJ club on campus. Given that BJJ is relatively new to the U. and there are no "official" classes being held on campus, they balked. I put "official" in quotations because I have been told, but have never seen them, that there is an unconfirmed group who have been practicing BJJ for a few years on campus. From what I have been told, they have been using the institution's mat space for some time - to the dismay of U. officials. Whatever the case, although campus rec balked at a BJJ club, they were willing to sanction BJJ classes. Small victories, eh?

Starting this Fall (September 12th, I think), I will be teaching BJJ classes on Monday's (4:30 to 6) and Friday's (3:30 to 5). Although the times are not ideal, I'm really looking forward to the opportunity. Originally, one of my main concerns was to ensure that classes were affordable. Successfully getting BJJ on the map at the University but making it inaccessible because of cost would be of little consequence. Truthfully, I wish I could offer classes for free. That being said, campus rec has honoured my request and is charging a reasonable amount for classes. It works out to about $140 for 4 months of classes 2 times per week.

Now, all I have to do is plan the classes. Elyse Goldberg over at Gringabjj is contemplating similar issues. Any advice as to how to structure classes would be appreciated.

I'll discuss the "other" strategy and my progress (or lack thereof) in my next post.

best,
Bryan
bjjstudy@gmail.com

That Guy!

I knew he was out there, but I had not yet had the pleasure of his company. Oh, I had read about him on Sherdog and the UG, but I had never shared mat space with a “that guy” of his caliber. Sure, I had experienced the joys of a spazzy white belt and the splendor of the tapout tough guy. In my experience these characters often settle down shortly after being grabbed and quickly submitted by one of the senior belts. Nothing prepared me for the “my style is superior to your style and I’m going to prove it” (MSISTYSAIGTPI) guy.

This “guy” is incorrigible and will resort to whatever weapon in his arsenal he thinks may gain him an advantage. Better yet, he (in my experience it is most often a male) will bitch and moan about how his most efficient weapons are nullified by the customs and courtesies of BJJ. More to the point, if we were fighting under his rules, I would see some (and I’m quoting) “shit that’ll make my head spin.” Fair enough, I’d like to see this “shit”.

Not too long ago I had such an opportunity to witness such splendor when a MSISTYSAIGTPI graced us with his presence. At about 6’3 and 210lbs. or so he was hard to miss when he sauntered into the academy sporting a brown belt. I’ve trained at, and visited, a number of different schools offering other martial art styles other than BJJ and always assume that I should be wearing a white belt until told otherwise by the instructor. Whatever the case, the MSISTYSAIGTPI who I was later told holds a brown belt in Krav Maga (do they even have a belt system?) performed the warm up and drilled the technique, but seemed anxious to test his skill.

From the outset of rolling it was obvious that the MSISTYSAIGTPI had little fighting skill. But more frightening for the blue belt rolling with him, he was getting extremely frustrated. Not longer after I heard a “what the f**k are you doing” from across the academy. It seems that the MSISTYSAIGTPI thought it appropriate to start punching his partner in the stomach and then the face. He was politely told that punching is not allowed in BJJ and if he did it again he would be asked to leave. He mumbled about how such restrictions just proved BJJ’s ineffectiveness. Oh really?!

One of the senior belts saddled up to me and explained that I would be next to roll with the MSISTYSAIGTPI. No pressure, eh? This reminded me of times in my youth when my hockey coach would tap me on the back after an opposing player cheap shotted a teammate. I knew then, just as now, what my job was and there was not much point in arguing.

After complaining about the BJJ rules, the MSISTYSAIGTPI and I slapped in and commenced festivities. I arm dragged him and easily took his back and choked him. After doing the same thing over and over, he complained that he was handicapped by his inability to attack my fingers. Being allowed to do so would enable him to escape the choke by breaking every finger on my choking hand. Hmmmm… being a little more than mischievous, I encourage him to give that a try. Slap in, arm drag, grab the collar...grab my fingers...tap. I asked if he had anything else he’d like to try? He looked at me sheepishly and declared - “I’ve got to learn this shit”!

Now, about that brown belt…

Best,

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

"either define the moment or the moment will define you"

I returned home last nite from Grande Cache and the Canadian Death Race. It's extremely difficult to put into words how amazing the experience was. In a way that I have never experienced, the race forces you to confront the limits of your being. Not only were the mountains formidable, but the heat was oppressive.

But we did it! Our team (Just 'Cause) had a blast and did amazingly well. I finished my leg in just over my goal time, which made me extremely pleased. A number of racers were injured on the first leg and a few were forced to "tap out". One memorable moment occurred on the very first major downhill section (there were many!) when a rather beefy man yelled from the top - "LOOK OUT; I'M COMING DOWN!!!" And down he came indeed! He figured he would sprint the downhill section to gain position, but overlooked the snarl of rocks and roots poised to trip up the careless. So, I was at the bottom of the hill when the would be Usain Bolt hit a root and tumbled all the way down, which left the racers ahead of him scrambling to get out of the way of this out of control freight train!

From what I saw, and for the most part, the Death Race seems to bring out the very best in people. The spirit and the vibe in the town of Grande Cache was palpable. I saw a number of racers stopping to help other racers and teams pulled together in the most incredible of ways. I am very proud to have been a part of all of this!!

Before my wife started her leg (at 2 a.m., no less) we were sitting around talking in a meagre attempt to the pass the time while we waited for our teammate to finish his leg. I was giving her a pep talk about how she was going to rock the race and how THIS was a very important moment in her life and for her. In the last year, we have suffered through 3 miscarriages - she more than me, of course. Nonetheless, this has been quite mentally and emotionally draining on us as we have attempted to cope with and understand this loss. For Jo, this race was really important for her psychologically and for sentimental reasons... and she owned it!

The Death Race, and especially her leg in the dark, was a metaphor for our last year. Although I have never run in the dark, I can only imagine that you have to take one step at a time otherwise you're going to trip and fall (like my friend who went for a tumble). And Jo did trip and she did fall, but she got back up and kept on running. That's the way we want to move forward - not only being fully in the moment, but embracing and owning the moment. Too often we, all of us, are caught looking too far ahead straining to see where the trail leads and miss the beauty and opportunities that are in front of us. Walt Witman very poignantly stated, either you define the moment, or the moment will define you. Jo and I will go boldly into the future one sublime step at a time, embracing all that comes. Like the nite-time trail, I can never know what is around the corner (another child? a blackbelt?) - all I know is that Jo and I will do it together and support each other in the spirit of the "Life" Race. I'm so very proud of you, Jo! Way to go!

Big thank you and congrats to my team. I'll be back next year ready to embrace a new challenge and test the limits of my being.

best,

Bryan

throwing the baby out with the bath-water - training and the Death Race

In previous posts I have talked about training for the Canadian Death Race: A 125 km relay through the Rocky Mountains. Well, the race is next weekend. I feel very much prepared to run the leg I was assigned. However, I think that saying this is quite different from saying I'm prepared to "race" this distance! My goal is to complete my leg in just over 2 hours. I will be quite satisfied if I can accomplish this time.

I have noticed that running long distances has been of some tremendous benefit to my grappling. While I was concerned that long runs would hamper my "wind", my sense is that my endurance, both aerobic and anaerobic thresholds, have measurably improved. We spar a lot at our club so I have lots of opportunity to gauge my fit-ness level and may account for my increased anaerobic capacity. For example, Saturday open mat runs from 11:30 to 1:30 during which tend to spar for the good part of the time. In the past, I would begin to get noticeably fatigued after about 45 minutes of rolling. Now, however, I can typically roll at a moderate pace for a good portion of the time.

Conventional wisdom - at least of what I'm aware - suggests that training for fights should consist mainly of high intensity interval training (HIIT) - and I agree fundamentally with this perspective. I understand that training should mimic fighting conditions - certainly. And HIIT fits the bill nicely. Moreover, this form of training is interesting, fun and can be varied to avoid becoming banal. Its very difficult to argue the efficacy of this approach after watching the results of Jon Chaimberg's work become actualized through GSP's 5 rounds of awesomeness. From what I understand Chaimberg, for the most part, eschews long slow distance training. Again, after watching what he has accomplished in elite athletes such as GSP, arguing otherwise is akin to arguing against puppies (who doesn't like puppies) or mothers.

I don't want to argue with Chaimberg or against him. His results speak volumes. My only point, and granted I don't have a lot of fodder in support of it, is that I think there may be role for long distance training to play in the fighter's training.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not sentimental in the least when it comes to running. I don't have a great affinity for it. Moreover, I'm not certain that fighters should be running long distances everyday as overuse injuries loom large - that's the last thing a fighter preparing for a big fight wants. Rather, I want to suggest that perhaps there is a place for moderate 10 or 15 km runs situated somewhere in the training cycle. Is there not some benefit to this type of training? Is it useless for a fighter to incorporate moderately paced running in their training programs?

As for me, will I continue to run longer distances as part of my training? My sense is that I will. I've derived a tremendous benefit from it. I'm lighter, quicker and can roll for longer periods. At the same time, I'm not anxious to run in minus 30* weather! Once September or October rolls around, I'm going to incorporate more of the kind of training Jon Chaimberg advocates and see what happens.

best,

Bryan

Vacation

I've been back at work for less than a week and I feel as though I need another vacation. Poor me, eh? Well, not really. My family took full advantage of our time away. Our good friends have a mountain place on Kicking Horse Mountain, which we enjoyed on our trip to Lake Okanagan. Our boys had a blast climbing the mountain and visiting Boo the bear. For its part, the Okanagan valley is one of the most striking and beautiful places I have ever been - not to mention the wonderful wineries that dot the landscape.

After enjoying the mountains we headed East to visit family in Winnipeg. This prairie city stands in stark contrast with the Rocky Mountains, but, to be fair, has some charms of its own. To my extreme benefit, Rodrigo Munduruca runs his academy in Winnipeg. I was able to train with this excellent group of girls and guys several times during my visit. I don't know if you ever experience this, but after a week or so of not training I get more than a little twitchy and (at least my wife says) a touch irritable. So, it was good for everyone involved that I was able to train. If you ever find yourself in the 'Peg (hopefully not in the Winter!), check out Rod's club.

As the picture above suggests, the kids had tremendous fun visiting their grandparents on Lake Winnipeg. However, what the picture does not say is that 2 minutes after it was taken, Rush (what I call my son Taryk - he's always in a hurry) slammed the tractor he was driving into the cottage. Fortunately, no one was injured and the fun continued when we visited the Royal Tyrrell dinosaur museum in Drumheller, AB.. For my boys who love everything dinosaur, this was one of the major highlights. The museum is truly world class and fun for the whole family.

best,

Bryan

The guard and Self Defence

Yesterday I was teaching class and a relatively new student with a brown belt in Karate and UFC fan asked some really interesting questions about the guard as it relates to self defence. I, at first, dismissed the question and gave a relatively flippant response. But the question has been tugging at my consciousness for the better part of the day. So, I've been trying to work through my thoughts and appended them below. These impressions are really stream of consciousness stuff and should be considered tentative (at best). I'm really interested in your thoughts on this one, so please let me know what you think. Here goes:

While the sporting application of the guard is undeniable, the waters become increasingly muddied when applied outside the relatively controlled environment of the octagon or tournament scene. Not that there isn't any overlap or consistency, because there is - rather they're not exactly the same thing. In my experience as a bouncer and as a rather unrefined young man, fights and situations demanding self defence rarely commence with two individuals squaring off on their feet with few people within arms reach. Rarely, did 2 (or more) individuals skilled in striking stand up and bang. What typically happened is that the combatants would get close by throwing some big looping fists and would then attempt to put the other in a headlock (headlock defences are very important!) and try to muscle the other to the ground while punching and kneeing them in the face. Other typical scenarios included someone being thrown to the ground in a bar or attacked from behind (among many others). It's a BJJ truism to say that many fights and self defence situations end up or start on the ground.

BJJ players are taught (or at least I was) to control the situation, inflict as little damage as possible to this end, and (most important) get away with your life. Many jiu jitsukas would prefer never to go to the ground in self defence, but control the situation on the feet through a combination of base, posture and technique. As such, the guard, or even the ground for that matter, is not the first line of defence. Even when the conflict hits the ground there is no guarantee that the individual trained in BJJ will flop to guard. Instead, many will attempt to control the situation through leverage, posture and technique from the top position (knee on belly, side mount, mount, back mount, etc.).

The guard may then be used when the player finds themselves on their backs with few other options. Indeed, if while on my back I can escape or inflict damage without putting someone in my guard, I'll do it. In self defence situations, guard may be a go to position when individuals find themselves on their backs and in trouble. From here they can control the other's posture and body, rest and look to escape.

All this being said, I am never going to willingly go to my back on the streets! I feel waaaaay more comfortable fighting from the top and have a greater arsenal from this position for controlling the situation and ending it quickly. Moreover, if I find myself on my back I don't ever have to "let" someone in my guard or close to me to control the situation. I can use additional techniques to create space and escape or inflict damage.

Okay, coming back to the original question: in a self defence situation context - as with everything - determines the strategy's efficacy. Guard is an obvious and requisite tool in the self defence arsenal - but it's not the only or most important one. The ability to control the situation, control the attacker, and escape (relatively) unharmed all the while controlling oneself is paramount. The guard is just one of the jiu jitsukas weapons in a multi-tiered and faceted arsenal. Taken by itself, the guard suffers from a certain lack, but is dangerous and potent when situated within the BJJ complex or network of techniques and strategies.

I hope all this makes some sense. I'll look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

The shoe is on the other foot

I just finished being interviewed about the study. I had nothing to worry about - the reporter could not have been nicer or more interested in what I am doing. The conversation was very enjoyable and I look very much forward to seeing the result in print.

In other news, I met with campus rec at the UofA where I teach about the possibility of establishing a BJJ club on campus. Evidently, the rules surrounding clubs have changed such that they are moving to a system of classes (not socio-economic mind you) where individuals would sign up for the class instead of the club. Because we (Misty will be co-teaching with me) will be teaching content, campus rec maintains we are teaching a classes rather than forming a club. Whatever the case, I'm delighted to have BJJ recognized by the University and excited by the prospect of teaching this Fall. 

It concerns me more than a little, however, that former disgruntled students make enroll for the sole purpose of choking me out for failing them ;-).

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com  

I'm back!

Many apologies for the silence(s) on my blog. I have a relatively good excuse - I have been on the conference circuit for the past couple of weeks. To complicate things, my wife was also touring the United States talking about her research. When I was home, my wife was gone, which put me in charge of our kids and away from the office! Now that I'm back, things are in full swing - like I never left. 

Today I'm being interviewed by a reporter from the Edmonton Journal. Recall that last time I was more than a little anxious about the shoe being on the other foot - i'm much more comfortable being the one who asks the questions. I feel increasingly comfortable talking about my BJJ study. The research is moving along. The more in-depth interviews are allowing me to expand and delve deeper into items raised by the survey. I'll be sure to report how things go!

best,

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

Promoted!

Time has gotten away on me! I can't believe how much time has past since my last post. So much is going on! Before I get to the subject of this post I have to mention how sincerely pissed I am about the snow on the ground here in Edmonton. It's not sufficiently sucky that we have 6 months of frozen terra firma, we are supposed to have another week of this - IT'S MAY!

On to the fun. Rodrigo Munduruca was in town this weekend for a seminar. My instructor had hinted that I was ready for promotion to purple belt a few weeks ago. However, Rod put any thoughts I was having to this end to rest when he mentioned at the beginning of the seminar that he was here only to roll and teach a seminar and, to my slight disappointment, any promotions would have to wait until his next visit. I had a great class - no pressure. I rolled with Rod for about 10 minutes (as you can see from the pictures, he's a big guy!) and he did his best not to squish me, while I tried to offer up my best resistance. I caught him with an omoplata and crusifix which seemed to surprise him...which is a good thing. (I don't know why I'm doing the "surfer" in this picture - not much surfing 'round these parts!).

At the end of class I was called to the front. Rod removed my belt and gave me a shiny new purple one. 

One of my training partners quipped that while the belt was pretty, it did little to make me look any better! Whatever the case, I was delighted and, I must admit, a little frightened. 

Big thanks to Misty Shearer who has guided, supported and assisted me with my progress throughout! I would not be where I am today without her!

The other guy in the picture is Brandon Hammond who was awarded his blue belt! You can't tell by this picture, but Brandon has some of the worst salad  this side of N'Sync. I've never seen anyone spend more time on his hair, yet have it still look fantastically abysmal. Great job Brandon (on the promotion, not the hair).

Thanks also to Kyle Cardinal for always making me feel welcome and being such an amazing teacher! Kyle's also a big dude. For such a monster he rolls like a cat. 

best,

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

Grapple Girls

Here is a great opportunity for women to meet and train with elite grapplers. From all reports the last camp was a huge success and spaces filled up at an incredible rate. Register soon if you're interested for what promises to be an amazing time.

This time the camp is being held in Toronto, Ontario (an amazing city!) at Mecca MMA from August 23-29th. A tournament on the 22nd will kick things off which will be webcast and feature "non ridiculous weight classes". Additional information can be found here.

Authenticity

I have been following John Will's blog for some time and regularly find inspiration in and resonance with his work. One of his recent entries covered the topic of authenticity in teaching. He writes:  

"I have also, over the years, come to understand the importance of being totally authentic. I am what I say I am – I deliver what I say I can deliver – I am true to myself – and true to my students. Authenticity is very important to me and I believe that people, more than ever, are seeking the authentic experience and become more fully engaged themselves when they are exposed to it."

I strive toward this lofty and important goal when teaching university students. My first exposure to teaching University level students was admittedly a minor disaster. I wandered into my classroom for the first day of classes with a few minutes to spare. Not too many, however - I didn't want to seem over anxious and I knew that "good" professors were never too early lest they had to engage with their students. I wore my very best professorial costume - because that's what I thought professors wore. 

I was never comfortable. Although the students were kind, I was quite dissatisfied with my place at the front of the class. Don't get me wrong, I knew the material. What I didn't know was who I was as an instructor. I was focussing too hard on being a professor, such that me, Bryan, was lost. Taking university classes and being indoctrinated through graduate school provided me with a guise, or mask, that I could don that enabled me to pass myself off as a professor - whatever that meant to me at the time. But, I was never comfortable. 

Two things in my life forced me to take stock. First, my first son, Ayden, was born. Being a father changed me in fantastic ways and forced me to take a look at who I was and was becoming. To do it right, being a supportive and sympathetic father, like being a devoted teacher demands (in my humble opinion) authenticity. I just can't lie to my son - except maybe about the existence of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny! 

Second, jiu jitsu forced me to confront some very uncomfortable truths about myself. The demands of the art/sport/etc. encouraged a (re)evaluation of my essence and being in the world. The end result is that when I tell people I am a professor, they stare back in disbelief. I don't look like or don't act like the mask I donned not too long ago.

The result being that I'm more genuine to my students and, more importantly, in my everyday being in the world. Now, if only my colleagues would take up jiu jitsu!

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

Skill is the fighter's devoted lover

Update: (Un)fortunately the newspaper reporter who was to call me to discuss the BJJ study postponed the interview. I'm not sure how I feel about this... On the one side of things, given that I feel that an interview at this time would be premature I was more than a bit relieved. On another, I have just postponed the inevitable. Instead of ripping the bandaid off, I am tugging on it slowly. Nice?!

I just came across this video on Youtube and was inspired.

 

 

Study momentum

The BJJ study has kept me ridiculously busy. I want to thank the community for so generously coming forward and opening your lives to me. My knowledge of jiu jitsu grows exponentially with each interview and for that I have the community to thank. I have been overwhelmed by the level of hospitality shown me by not only the participants in my study, but people in the jiu jitsu community generally.   

Because of this research I have come to the attention of the media - how they picked up on it I don't know! From what I understand, one of the reporters who has contacted me said he noticed it on my UofA webpage. I'm not sure I understand, however. Do reporters from local papers peruse local academics' websites for content? Really? Whatever the case, I'm supposed to be interviewed this afternoon - I'm fully cognizant that the shoe is now on the other foot. But, I have a ridiculous amount of trepidation. Reporters I have encountered in the past have not been particularly kind, nor entirely accurate in their deployment of my comments. Other times, they have been outright hostile (why they call in the first place I don't know!). 

As someone trained as a crime scholar I'm often called upon to comment on local "crime news" - a role from which I don't derive a great deal of satisfaction. On one particular occasion I was working in my office the morning after a violent incident involving a university aged male when the phone rang. I held my breath and answered the call certain of who or, rather, what was on the other end. The reporter – I was right – inquired whether I could explain to her why violent crime was increasing in Edmonton. After informing her that in fact police statistics for the last 5 years suggested the opposite, she bellowed ‘you’re the criminologist (that's debatable!), explain to me why we keep seeing these violent crimes, then.’ To which I replied, ‘because you keep reporting them.’ Disgusted, she hung up. 

Experience, in part, explains my apprehension. Moreover, this will be my first occasion to talk about my research in a public venue. While I have learned much, I'm not sure I'm sufficiently far along in the research to make any definitive claims. 

Or, all these justification may just be avoidance techniques: like when you know that someone is not particularly keen to roll with you because they suddenly find something really interesting on their belt as you approach! 

Given my goal of promoting jiu jitsu I want to embrace this opportunity. Toward this end, I should stop procrastinating (another avoidance technique), end this post and prepare. I'll let you know how it goes.

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

Spreading...

Understanding the widespread growth and spread of jiu jitsu throughout the world was a driving motivation for my study. Through the window that burgeoning class size and increasing number of black belts outside of Brazil provide, we are well aware that the numbers of individuals taking up the sport/art has grown considerably over the last decade. But, by how much? Given the relatively recent diffusion of BJJ from Brazil, the dearth of academic attention to the art, and the lack of coordination and sometimes hostility between schools, at this time no detailed records or accounting exists to determine the exact number of practitioners. I would be reticent to even hazard a rough estimate.

But it is growing. People are taking up the art at an unprecedented rate. Rarely does a week go by without at least a couple of new white belts taking their place amongst the ranks.

What appeal does jiu jitsu have for the average person? and, just how many people worldwide are doing BJJ? I hope my study will shed some light on these questions. In the meantime, if you have some insight please let me know.

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

Starting the journey

I arrived at BJJ's doorstep through a rather circuitous route. You see, in one way or another I have always been involved in combat sports. I wrestled throughout high school, been slammed to the mat thousands of times as a judoka and punched in the face more times than I care to remember during my stint in Muay Thai - perhaps this explains a few things. When I arrived in the great white north, I was looking for something to fill the void. I was also overweight - a condition that felt severely awkward given my previous sports obsessed life. But, this is what happens when under the stress and time crunch of a demanding PhD programme. Those 4 years of my life (basically) involved waking up, going to the fridge, watching some horrible programming on tv while downing some equally horrible breakfast cereal, sitting at my desk writing for hours, realizing I'm hungry, going to the fridge, sleeping... My life and body paid severely for the inertia. Although I was not entirely sedentary during this period - I played golf... I'm not complaining or regretful - I have a (sometimes) wonderful job, wonderfully understanding wife and two fantastic children for the effort. But I was neglecting something tremendously important - my body. While my mind was becoming increasingly acute, my body was becoming rather substantial. 

Quite literally, I woke up one day and looked at my kids and Joanne, and then down to my rapidly expanding abdomen (where there was once a 6 pack) and decided I needed to do something ... I was tipping the scales at an oh so impressive 230 lbs. (I'm 5'10 ish). Toward getting back to some kind of fighting shape, I went back to Muay Thai for several years. This got my rather lethargic golfer's ass in gear and (re)awakened my competitive spirit. But something was missing. Although I was getting rather proficient at punching, elbowing and especially kicking, I wanted something more. 

While driving to work everyday I routinely sped passed a place advertising Mixed Martial Arts. After 2 years of driving past the sign and telling myself that I should really drop in, I finally did just that. Not only did this gym offer Muay Thai, but BJJ. ... 

There is much more to this story which I will offer as time goes on. But, suffice it to say for now that the mats are my home away from home and I weigh in at a healthier 170 lbs.. I've never been happier (is it weird that choking people makes me happy?)!

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

Out of the blue

Have you ever been caught in position, or, had something done to you where you did not have a response? In more theoretical terms, has there ever been a disturbance that has disrupted your intuitive response? Where, no matter how much rolling you have done, something comes out of left field to leave you bewildered and shocked?

When I first started rolling, this would happen regularly. Through repetition and countless hours of rolling most of the surprise factor has been drilled out of me. That was until last Saturday when my opponent grabbed my belt and pulled. I realize this happens a lot while in bottom 1/2 guard among others - I can deal with this. Rather, I was standing above my opponent who was butt scooting to establish position. When I stepped in to initiate my pass, he grabbed my belt and extended it over his knee. Needless to mention, but suffice it to say, the belt felt like a boa around my waist. What do you do in this situation? I had to stop and think for more than a little while which allowed him to take advantage; which, as I mentioned in a previous post, obfuscates a centred and rationale response.

How does this inability to (re)act occur? What is the cognitive process (or is it a lack?) when something occurs which you have not drilled and never seen? The rational response is to rely on what you know... fair enough and that's what I tried to do (hips forward and using his momentum to my advantage), but the initial grabbing of my belt had sufficiently disrupted my focus. I'm certain that the ability to remain centred when confronted by obscurity requires fantastic patience and hours of practice.

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

"Don't think..."

Before moving on to the subject of this post, I need to request your assistance. My study has now moved into the interview phase. My hope is to interview as many as 40 BJJ players from around the world (both women and men). I would sincerely appreciate any help toward this end you may be able to offer. If you have some time to speak with me about your BJJ experiences please contact me at bjjstudy@gmail.com. Or, pass along my email address to anyone you think may be able to help. Thank you. Bryan  

I've come to the realization that the more I am forced to think while rolling, the more awkward and ungainly I become. A little while ago I was helping with the beginner class. At the end of the class, TP put the upper belts who were teaching at the front of the class to roll with the white belts. On this occasion, like others, TP gave us a task. In this case, we were to lock in a Kimura - but without finishing it. We were to just find as many places to grab it as possible. My favourite positions include: top side mount, from guard (failed or feinted rainbow sweep) or off the pass. However, this usually is accomplished in a dynamic roll. 

I had a terrible time. I felt awkward - not nearly as smooth as is (sometimes) the case. I felt self conscious. I was able to lock it in 2 or 3 times; but they all felt sloppy. I felt lost. Frustrated, I triangled one of my opponents to kimura the trapped arm!? I had  lost something essential to the art - flow!

When we stop to focus and concentrate on the things in which we are intimately involved action is fundamentally and necessarily inhibited. When we are able to let go and 'flow with go', our experience becomes almost effortless. 

"Don't think... it can only hurt the ball club." (crash davis - Bull Durham)

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

Evaluation

I had a meeting yesterday with the instructors for the martial arts course. Evaluation seems to be the topic with which we are somewhat stuck. Given that this is a University level course we require some manner through which to appraise students. Further, because we are delivering the course through Sociology (co-listed with Phys-ed) we cannot rely solely on physical measures. 

On its face, this course is meant to be a radical alternative to the run-of-the-mill and every-day practice endemic to almost every university. In the established version, the professor takes her/his place at the front of the room at the designated hour and lectures for the set time and then leaves with little or no interaction with students. No doubt, many in my field find cold comfort in this reality. Our course, by contrast, demands a more hospitable and relaxed environment. Really, in what other course is there potential to batter your prof? - I'm certain many have considered it!

Given its radical constitution, how should students be graded (no, their ability to tap out the prof would not be useful)? I am not certain that Denis Rancourt's approach of giving A+s to everyone is viable. Ain't academic freedom grand! Such that this is a university course we are (somewhat) bound by institutional rules (there's always some latitude), so we HAVE to have students perform some tasks which we can then evaluate.

Keeping in mind that one of our goals is to have students confront their inner self and ask critical questions about their being in the world through training, I want to know: How do you think we should grade our students? What assignments should we prescribe? What readings would you recommend? Please feel free to be as radical and "outside the box" as your mind allows.

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

Someday...

In my previous post I promised some background to my thoughts. If you recall, I was discussing mutual learning in BJJ and the importance of synergistic pedagogy. Let's be clear though, opportunity for this type of cooperative learning environment increases the further along a BJJ player progresses. That is, because of time on the mat, experience and, as a result, accumulated knowledge, a black belt will naturally have much more to share than a white belt who has been training for 6 months. That being said, in my view there is much room for the white belt to be a part of the give and take of a truly open and hospitable gym/dojo.

Case in point, a private lesson with a white belt was what prompted me to start thinking about BJJ and pedagogy. The session started with me teaching him a couple of chokes from sidemount and ended with a light roll. For me, these are "teaching rolls" where I try to be as smooth (not always easy) as possible. When I secure a submission I control the position and allow my partner to fight out of it - or talk her/him through the proper escape. At the end of our time, Tim thanked me and said, "someday, Bryan, someday". I looked at him and said, "I sincerely hope so". One of the guys sitting on the sidelines replied, "yah, right!" I sincerely meant what I said. I DO want Tim to tap me ... someday.

The response from the guy on the sidelines bothered me. Once I thought more about the situation, the more it occurred to me that his reply was to be expected. In my experience, a good number of BJJ players have an informal inventory going on in their heads about who has tapped who. They are also very much aware of where they stand. While this may be true in my experience, it may not be in yours. Whatever the case, and while this type of mentality may be somewhat unavoidable (and healthy?), it nevertheless holds potential to produce all kinds of problems - jealousy, cliques, uncontrolled sparring, injuries & etc.. 

What if, instead of being upset and guarded that someone from your team has the goal of one day tapping you, you show them how to do it? What if, we see the mats, not as a space of competition, but of mutual learning and benefit? What if, the gym is no longer such, but becomes a dojo (place/space of enlightenment)? What if ... someday! 

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

A space of mutual learning

As an academic I hope to inspire students to learn and think critically about the social world in which they are situated. I am always amazed and proud when one of my students offers uncommonly astute insite into social-economic-political phenomena. My hope is that they surpass my meagre attempts at theorizing and understanding.

At the same time, I understand the classroom as an open space for dialogue, debate, and, most important, mutual learning. Unlike some in my profession, I do not consider students empty vessels into which I pour my (vast?) wisdom. I do not stand at the head of the class lecturing ad nauseum about what and how students should think. Rather, I attempt to provide students with tools to make sense of their being in the world. Armed thus, it is my hope that students will offer insite or critique of which I had not thought. I mean this sincerely, it makes me feel proud when one of my students gets me thinking in ways I had not before. These are good days.

Is there linkages that can be drawn between the BJJ mat and the classroom? Is the mat a forum for debate and mutual learning? Or, is it a space on which the professor reigns and is not to be challenged, questioned, or surpassed? What happens when this occurs? That is, when a student consistently taps out the professor. Does the latter celebrate their students success and learn from this situation? Or, is there something endemic not only to BJJ, but to martial arts, that prohibits such interactions?

I'm not saying that all professors, whether academic or BJJ (not that they are mutually exclusive), think or behave along these lines. Rather, my point is to suggest that perhaps the mats can be viewed as a space of mutual learning which may push the boundaries of not only learning, but the martial art itself. I'll have more to say about what got me thinking along these lines in a subsequent post.

Best,

Bryan

bjjstudy@blogspot.com

Metaphors and more

How is it possible to understand or make sense of the process involved in securing a submission. When I was in Toronto recently one of the blackbelts suggested that the end to which we work in BJJ is analogous to joke telling. 

Bare with me, I think there may be something here. If we consider jokes or joking we are immediately struck by the centrality of surprise. If we tell a joke in which the punch line is a foregone conclusion, then the joke ceases to be funny and bleeds into the realm of story or narrative. For a joke to be funny, to elicit the desired response (laughter), requires that incongruities be resolved in a fresh and unique way. 

The same, it seems, applies to BJJ. If I told you with my body language or whatever else that I was intent on securing an armlock, most would be able to defend it. When I am rolling with white belts, I'll often tell that what I'm after - say a choke - to see if they can defend it and to help hone both mine and their skills. At higher levels - purple and above - this tack becomes futile such that it will lead nowhere. Rather, at higher levels we attempt to lead our opponent down one path so that we may surprise them with something else - something they did not see coming. 

For instance, I was rolling with one of our more accomplished blue belts recently. I am working on wrist locks so my goal for the day was to see how many different ways and directions I could set them up. MS tips the scales at 240 or 250 and moves quite well. We started rolling and I passed his guard - recall that I weigh about 170lbs., so I do not play bottom with guys this big! After establishing technical (as John Danaher maintains - what's so technical about it?) mount I grabbed his collar as if setting up a hell choke. He defended by grabbing his collar, which brought his elbow away from his side and exposed his arm. I locked it with my arm. Thinking I was going to spin for an armlock, he defended by grabbing his elbow, which then exposed his hand for the wrist lock. I secured his hand and (gently) put on the lock. When he realized what was happening he let out a quick yelp. I quickly asked if he was ok and whether I hurt him. He said, no, not at all, only that I surprised the "shit" out of him.

He hadn't expected the wrist lock that I set up initially with the choke and then the armlock. Is this how we are to do BJJ - to tell jokes with our body? To surprise our opponents/training partners with incongruities?

Bryan

bjjstudy@gmail.com

Ossss...

Unlike many places, the city in which I live hosts only 3 major BJJ tournaments in a given year - one of which is run concurrent with other martial arts. Yesterday one of the events was held. There were 8 rings/mats arranged around the former aircraft hanger; unfortunately less than half were reserved for BJJ. This made for a very long day. Although I did not compete, I refereed (for 6 hours) and coached our competitors.

All this being the case, our team did exceptionally well placing first in a number of the divisions! Well done!

But it was a long day for the competitors. Many were sitting around for hours waiting for their divisions to be called. Many were not sure where or when they would be competing. I saw their anxious faces, for many this was their first competition and they were rightly nervous, when they would ask me if I knew when their division was going to be called ... I felt badly that I could not help them. Not that I fault the organizers... they did the best they could with what was available.

In my humble opinion, the following is a beginning list of what makes for a well run tournament (or if I was king for a day). Please keep in mind that I come from a wrestling background so much of my expectation follows thus:

1 . start on time - a must

2. keep competitors well informed THROUGHOUT THE DAY

3. registrations and weigh-ins done before the day of the tournament - this saves a lot of time. Competitors can then re-weigh in before they step on the mat. 

4. (this way) Brackets can be set before competitors start arriving.

5. Brackets posted 

6. Well trained and seasoned referees. While this is not always possible, consistent and knowledgeable refereeing sets the tone for the day

7. Keep everyone off the mats except competitors

8. Have a food vendor with a range of foods from healthy snacks to pizza and hotdogs.

9. Makes certain the mats are clean and stay thus throught

Please feel free to add your own.

Where there's a will...

In my previous post I discussed some difficulties I have encountered in receiving bureaucratic support for my sociology of martial arts (or whatever) course. To date, my colleague and I have been unsuccessful in obtaining OFFICIAL sanction for our course. That being said, we recently may have uncovered/derived (this sounds devious?) an alternative way of going about this.

In lieu of university endorsement, we plan to teach the class as an independent study course. Traditionally, these classes are open to any student (undergrad and grad) for whom a topic of interest is not covered by existing course offerings (i.e. martial arts). Students interested in pursuing this course would then locate a supervisor who would assist the learner in locating resources and decide upon a plan for evaluation. In our case, we have inverted the process by flagging and filling a gap in course offerings. 

So far so good. However, because we are subverting the usual routes we will not receive credit, in the usual university bureaucratic sense, for our efforts; which is fine with me. I would teach this course for free, anyway. The life of an academic, however, is hectic (FYI - we DON'T get our summers off!). In addition to research, teaching, supervising grad students, we are heavily burdened with committee work at the departmental, faculty and university levels. I'm not complaining because I love my job, only putting into perspective the time draw this course presents. 

All this being true, I think such a course is important. Martial arts, and especially BJJ, teaches us so much about ourselves and the social world around us. To this end, the deafening silence in the academy around martial arts ought to be shattered. The question becomes, how do we get the University bureaucracy to buy in?

BJJ in the University? Oil and Water or perfect fit?

For some time a colleague and I have been batting around the idea of a University course along the lines of Sociology of Budo, Sociology of the Martial Arts or something of this ilk. The name is, really, irrelevant. Along the lines of what is taken for granted at many Japanese Universities, this year we proposed a course that would take the ethics and mentality of the martial arts quite seriously. Despite our dedication and enthusiasm for the project the University powers turned down our rather modest request. It wasn't our intention to modify curriculum of the Faculty nor to alter substantially the course of the University. We simply wanted to teach one section of the course.

At this particularly university most faculty members design, propose and eventually teach courses which are in their area of expertise - I would hope, anyway. I already teach several core topics in my field and teach somewhere in the neighbourhood of 600 students per year (depending on the year). My colleague, similarly, teaches core high enrollment undergraduate sociology courses (intro, theory, etc.). In fact, for the bureaucratic rationale that we teach so many students per year could account for our rather lukewarm reception.

I think this is an important course - one from which students will learn a great deal and derive significant benefit. Gaining acceptance and understanding of BJJ in the wider community is paramount to my research and my work. Pushing for this course, likewise, is elemental to this  end!  

The Great Canadian Death Race

Somehow or other I have been convinced to get involved in the Great Canadian Death Race. If you have never heard of this grueling treck, you should check out their site. The DR's skull logo concerns me more than a little. More so, the description of the race from the site, which goes as follows:

For nearly a decade, elite racers have come here to cheat Death in one of the world's toughest adventure races. The 125 km course begins and ends on a 4200 foot plateau, passes over three mountain summits and includes 17,000 feet of elevation change and a major river crossing at the spectacular Hell's Gate canyon at the confluence of the Smoky and Sulphur Rivers. During the August long weekend each year, extreme athletes, individually and in relays, push themselves to the limits of their endurance against the breathtaking background of the Canadian Rocky Mountains. Each year, well-trained and totally committed, they battle heat, cold, altitude and themselves. There are no big cash prizes for winning: finishing is hard enough. And the bragging rights are priceless

There are some individuals with questionable sanity who chose to run the entire 125 km race. Although many have questioned my mental constitution, I'm not sufficiently mad to think that I can run up and down mountains over rivers in both daytime and nite for 125 km while still training BJJ 4 or 5 times a week. So, I've agreed to do one leg - a mere 20 odd km up a mountain. No problem!?

I do not profess to be a runner, never mind an "elite" one. I do not particularly enjoy pounding the pavement for mile after mile and I confess that I'm more than a little concerned that training for the DR will effect my BJJ. Until recently my training outside of the dojo consisted of High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) and heavy olympic lifts. Like Valerie over at Prancing and Sucking I periodically cycle Crossfit type workouts into my schedule. It seems to me that Long Slow Distance (LSD) training is at odds with the demands of BJJ. By contrast, BJJ involves shorter periods of high intensity work followed by rest intervals. After several years of training both inside and outside the dojo/gym I can roll comfortably for considerable periods. Certainly, some of this 'wind' is a condition of technical efficiency, but at the same time, my body has adjusted to the demands placed on it by BJJ. I'm curious to see what happens to my BJJ endurance as I become more seriously immersed in training for the Death Race. I am anxious to hear from anybody out there who has experience training for marathons or adventure racing while doing BJJ.  

So, if I'm not particularly fond of running, why did I sign on for this? For a number of reasons. First, peer pressure. Many of my good friends are running and we are planning on having a great time at and after the race. Second, it's a challenge. The Death/Life Race provides me with yet another opportunity to push the limits of my self and get insight into my being. Third, the race is not a road race. It is a cross country jaunt across rivers and mountains...which sounded fun at the time?! Now I just have to get training?!

The grind - self defence

Self defence was a grind when I began my BJJ journey. First, because after being enticed by the first UFCs I couldn't understand, really, why we couldn't just get to the fun stuff and roll. Second, self defence training was painful. Being thrown (I wasn't adept yet at breakfalling), having my arm bent in odd directions, being twisted & etc., is marvelously harrowing for my body that was more accustom to more genteel pursuits like golf (yes, I know) and the odd daring foray into cribbage (not to be confused with cabbage!). Third, I wasn't convinced how effective all of this was against an aggressor. Finally, it wasn't pretty. I had gotten over the fact that the aesthetically pleasing puts bums in movie seats. What I was being taught may have a certain beauty to the trained eye, yet to my neophyte gaze all this seemed quite unpleasant. 

With this in mind we would half ass our way through the motion until it was time to roll or work on some cool choke. Through this admittedly dreadful attitude I was missing out on some really important messages that are imparted more implicitly. Moreover, the nuance of self defence and, by extension, BJJ was completely lost on me. It wasn't until I did a private lesson with an individual who earned the Master rank in BJJ did I learn some of the subtleties of self defence that make all the difference. This was about 2 years ago. Since then, although I still enjoy rolling the most, I have attempted to understand the essence of self defence. 

I see and hear all the time that BJJ wouldn't work in a street fight - even though the early players tried and tested many techniques in such situations. While we can debate the merits of this line of thinking around and around, such discourse seems to overshoot an important point. Separating the assault mindset from that of the competition may help us here. In his book, Meditations on Violence, Rory Miller makes the distinction this way: "The assault mindset in a sporting competition is completely unacceptable. From the assault mindset, if you are scheduled to fight a world champion heavyweight boxer on Thursday, you shoot him on Tuesday." It follows that self defence is about survival and doing everything possible to make it out of the unfortunate situation alive. As is often the case, this is about controlling the situation, as much as is possible, and escaping. Getting out of there, rather than continuing the fight. Jeff Joslin makes a similar point here. There are simply no advantage points for "almost" choking a guy who pulls a knife and there is no reason to continue (or even start) the fight once the situation is under control.

Self defence in the gym or dojo setting can be fun and relevant provided it is trained intensely and incorporates an element of surprise. To this end, one of my training partners who is a higher belt will randomly attack me when I least expect it. I am forced to defend the attack because they will continue until I have controlled the situation. So if you ever meet me and notice I have a nervous shoulder shrug you now know why!? 

Of course all of this still lacks an element of realism and I would not suggest otherwise. Little can prepare you for the aggression and violence of a surprise attack. Working in a youth detention centre gives you a great deal of perspective on the carnality of violence and of what humans are capable - both in attacking and defending. It is amazing what people can accomplish when fighting for their lives. An anecdote from Miller gives some perspective: 

"One of my students was concerned that she couldn't hurt a large man. I told her to imagine a two hundred pound man holding a small cat. ... imagine I throw a bucket of water on them. What happens?"

"The cat goes berserk and starts scratching the guy up."

"Does the guy let go?"

"Probably."

"So the cat wins?"

"I guess, Sure."

"So you're telling me that an eight pound cat can hurt a big man and you can't?"

"The cat has claws and teeth"

"And you don't?"  

Self Defence

My training partner recently sent me this wonderful video of the Migliarese brothers demonstrating self defence in honour of Grandmaster Helio Gracie:

At our school we only intermittently practice self defence. It seems that many of the students only want to work the flashy and sporty techniques while neglected the antecedents of BJJ as a sport. While many can effortlessly pull off an omoplata, they have great difficulty blocking a punch or defending a two hand choke. I'm curious, does your school practice self defence? If so, how much time is devoted to it?Do you enjoy learning about self defence? 

BJJ is like air

One thing has become abundantly clear through my research to this point: people who do BJJ are a passionate bunch. One of my respondents said that the art is akin to air. For her, BJJ is a necessity. It is part of her being and fundamental to her identity. This respondent trains 4 to 5 times a week - sometimes more. When she's not training she has her nose buried deep into Gracie Magazine or has her eyes glued to competition and instructional DVDs. 

I wonder if this is an advantageous attitude? Is there a greater chance that someone with this much commitment will "burn out" much more quickly than someone who takes a more casual approach to training? I'm really curious about this because I fall into the former camp such that I'm somewhat addicted to training. Does this obsession (as my wife calls it) set me up for disappointment, burn out or let down somewhere in the future?

Or, is it the case that early obsession becomes tempered the further along in our progression we proceed? Is it that formerly obsessed BJJ players mature into a more relaxed, but still dedicated attitude? Awa Kenzo, the teacher of Eugen Herrigel in the classic text Zen in the Art of Archery (if you haven't already, I encourage you to read this wonderful little book!), boasted Ten Commandments for his archery students. One of the dictums suggests that one does not shoot obsessively. At the same time Kenzo was a dedicated teacher and archer who trained whenever his body would allow and claimed that: "If you train with the Bow everyday, you have a new life everyday" (Kenzo 2007, 46). Setting aside the obvious Zen connotations for the time being - I'll come back to this another day -, what I think is important in Kenzo's discourse is how we need to reconcile daily training on the one hand with tempered engagement on the other. 

What I think is important and what Kenzo is getting at is a mature dedication to an art or, in his case, a Way that comes from years of dedicated training. The difficulty is getting to this point without "burning out" before maturity and sophistication set in. To help me understand a mature attitude toward BJJ I am convinced that I need to replace the air metaphor. 

walking the injury tight-rope

A question in which I'm particularly interested concerns training injuries. In fact, my survey queries respondents about their experiences. I'm fantastically curious about training injuries - for example, how people feel about inflicting them and how the injured negotiate the impairment. 

I was conducting an interview recently with a relatively new BJJ player. When I asked her about whether she considered injuries to be intrinsic to BJJ she looked at me as if I had horns and said, "Uh, that's kinda the point, isn't it?" Others have echoed her sentiment by intimating that BJJ technique, by definition, is designed to maim. What is an arm-lock if not a hold designed to break arms? 

When I think about my own experiences it occurs to me that a fine line separates tapping and the technique going a little too far and causing pain or injury. Or, between a BJJ player thinking that all they need is a little more room or a little more time to escape and the infliction of injury.

Practicing BJJ, it seems, is akin to walking an injury tight-rope. On the one hand, a BJJ player does not want to tap too early lest they could counter the move. For certain, we are all trained in ways to annul an arm-lock attempt. On the other hand, we want to return to fight another day. Taking these two sides into account (I'm certain there's more) at what point do we or should we tap? What responsibility does the attacker have to ensure our safety? ... while at the same time executing the technique?

We fight with you because we love you!?

During his last visit our Brazilian professor urged our club to hold competition style fights at the end of classes. Maybe once or twice a week the senior belt was to indicate two players of similar weight and similar ability to fight. Coaches and a timer would also be designated. His rationale was twofold: first, at its core BJJ is fighting and if a practitioner didn't want to test her/his skills thus perhaps another art where such tests are avoidable would be preferred. At first brush, this seems a little harsh, no? Upon further reflection such perception avoids what sets BJJ apart from other martial arts - that it can be trained at very high intensity. Damian Maia recently remarked after a triangle choke victory over Chael Sonnen that his goal was to demonstrate through jiu jitsu how fights can be won without physically destroying your opponent (I'm paraphrasing). Maia is an unbelievable talent and his BJJ is remarkable. But, what about two white belts? Do they gain as much from a fight as a more casual roll? Does such an encounter expose their weaknesses? Or does it simply confirm what we already know - that white belts have much to work on? Does this situation differ for purple belts? Can they learn much about their technique, what "works",  and what doesn't? 

Or, are these questions not what's at stake here? Perhaps these fights expose something of the character of the player. Perhaps they lay bare something uncomfortable that we don't want to admit. Whatever the case, not everyone in the gym is equally agreeable about the efficacy of these bouts.

The second reason our professor maintains we should fight each other is "out of love". "We fight you because we love you", he argued. Again this will seem perverse to the outsider. Indeed, even those on the inside may object. Fighters, no matter of what background, need to be tested before they enter the ring or octagon or step on the mat for their first tournament match. Getting punched in the face for the first time is daunting and disagreeable (not that I know anyone who 'likes' to get punched, although some of the tough guys like to think so). No doubt, having such an experience for the first time when it counts could be disastrous. The same holds for someone squeezing a guillotine or armbar with the intention of breaking it. What are you going to do when you realize this is for keeps? 

This kind of fighting, according to the professor, makes us better competitors and people. Each seemingly intolerable experience exposes us to the limits of our psyche and demands that we push past them in to the vast seas of the previously unknown. How many times have you been at the wrong end of a ridiculously heavy s-mount or particularly tight kesa getame and thought that tapping would end the pain, but instead you propelled yourself forward to reverse the position? Such experiences are not cheap. They come at a cost to our comfortable being in the world and show us much about ourselves. More importantly, they ask that we explore the outer limits of our being. 

Is it love that pushes us? I'm not so convinced that it is love that acquaints us with this other self, but whatever 'it' is, I welcome these experiences for the insight into myself and my limits they yield.